A few months ago, a 13-year-old girl asked me why Jesus came as a man and not as a woman. I asked a few clarification questions to understand her concern, and as I might have guessed, she wanted to know why God—the all-powerful, all-knowing, all-good, leader of all leaders—identifies himself with the male gender rather than with her own gender. Why does the Bible seem to indicate that men are the head of the church, and that a man is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church? Does Christianity teach that boys are better than girls? Does it teach that men are smarter than women, or more powerful, or better leaders? And if not, then why did God appoint men to lead?

Entire books have been written on whether male headship was limited to ancient cultures, and whether men and women can be equal in value, dignity, and worth while having different roles. Having studied these questions in depth, I’ve repeatedly concluded the answers are no and yes, respectively. But that’s not what I want to write about here. Here I want to assume male headship and ask the question, “Why?”

If you’ve spent most of your time in patriarchal circles, you may have been told that men are to lead because women don’t make good decisions. They’re silly, flighty, feelings-oriented, and can’t be trusted. They’re not capable of giving biblical sermons, speaking truth, and leading others.

If you’ve spent most of your time in complementarian circles, you’ve probably been told that God had to choose someone to be the final decision-maker in times of disagreement, so it might as well be men. Women may even make better leaders, but God basically flipped a coin and leadership fell to men.

I’d like to make a case that rejects both of these views.

Unless you’re unable or unwilling to acknowledge what is plain to see, you know that men and women are different. There’s a reason that books like “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” were wildly popular before we decided to reject reality and strive to be literally whatever we want to be.

While there are certainly exceptions, typically women are more compassionate, more relationship-oriented, and more concerned with keeping the peace and making sure everyone gets along. Women are more likely to console their crying child than to tell them to get over it. They’re more likely to try to create equal outcomes for everyone than to tell people to accept unfairness and grow up. They’re more likely than men to go into fields like social work, childcare, counseling, and the arts. Women more likely to be seen hugging their child than wrestling with their child, and they’re more likely to spend hours in conversation over coffee or on the phone with their friends rather than sitting and watching a football game or playing a video game without saying more than a dozen words for three hours, as many of my male friends do.

In short, most women seem to excel at unity, sensitivity, relationship, and beauty. These are all very important skills for building strong families, creating healthy, non-sociopathic children, and making life worth living in an otherwise cold and heartless world.

Men, on the other hand, are typically more concerned with getting critical tasks done, making sure their families have everything they need to survive, and protecting those under their care. They’re more likely to invent new ways of making work more efficient, to speak out against lies even when it makes them unpopular, to fight against injustice, to get dirty fixing the plumbing so that women don’t have to, and to go to war against evil.

Men are more likely to respond to a child’s scraped knee with, “Yep, scrapes happen. Best to learn it now.” They’re more likely than women to respond to news that their child got in a fight with, “Were you able to defend yourself or do we need to practice some punches?” They’re more likely to teach their children that life isn’t fair than to try to make it fair for everyone. And they’re more likely to discipline their children with intimidating firmness than to let disrespectful behavior slide. In short, good men fight for what is true and right so their families have the opportunity to live in a world that is good and beautiful.   

So what’s the point? What does this have to do with male headship?

Generally speaking, men seem to excel at the skills needed to survive outside the home in a fallen world. They excel at equipping the next generation to live in a world full of danger, to survive in harsh conditions, and to keep fighting even when it hurts.

Generally speaking, women excel at creating an “inside world” that makes life safe, pleasant, and beautiful. They excel at equipping the next generation to create and live within a community that is worth having.

Both of these are critical. And yes, there are certainly exceptions to these broad generalizations.

Some men have the opportunity to devote their lives to contemplating the meaning of life, writing brilliant works of literature, and creating beautiful art, but it’s only because men who came before them gave their lives and limbs for them to have those opportunities.

Personally, I’d rather fight for truth by day and fight in the Taekwondo ring by night than cry with people who are hurting (although my friends still come to me before they go to their male friends when they’re upset). I’m more likely to be seen tossing a child in the air or teaching him to defend truth than wiping his tears. I work with about 45 female apologists who fight for truth every day. It makes them unpopular and even results in death threats, yet they continue the good fight. Our fearless leader is more willing than most men to face conflict when needed, to make the hard decisions that upset people for the sake of the greater purpose, and to take controversial positions for truth rather than stay neutral. And yet, I’d challenge you to find an organization of primarily male apologists where there is even half the personal connection, beautiful graphics, tears, and hugs that we share in our times together. Similarly, there have been some very effective female preachers, female warriors, and female prophets. But they are not the rule. They are the exception.

So what happens when the exception becomes the rule? What happens when women begin to dominate church leadership? What happens when women, as the culture-wide norm, dominate leadership of the home, the education system, the courts, the military, and the political arena?

I submit to you that we are seeing the answers to these questions in our culture today. From the churches, we see compromise on matters of truth throughout every major denomination that has rejected the biblical doctrine of male leadership. We see churches that function more as social/book clubs than as war rooms to equip the saints for the very real spiritual battle around us. From the homes, we see children with little-to-no discipline or respect for authority. From the schools, we see generations of Americans with sky high confidence and yet few, if any, practical skills. From the courts, we see murderers, sex offenders, and other dangerous criminals going free on a regular basis. From the military, we see a force that believes it’s more critical to make people feel good about having gay sex and attempting to change their gender than to fight evil. From the political arena, we see leaders who affirm and praise murder of the unborn for convenience’s sake, who impoverish hardworking Americans in order to give handouts to non-working Americans, who promote socialism and even communism as good and fair, who open our borders to those who have no interest in law and order, who silence those who speak hard truths, and who erode religious freedom in the name of never hurting anyone’s feelings.

Do all women support these evils? Of course not. But studies and voting records show that women far outnumber men in supporting the radical left, who prioritize the eradication of truth and goodness in order to eliminate dissent, make everything seem equal, and make everyone feel good about themselves no matter how depraved and harmful their choices are.1

At this point, even men who have abandoned the fight for truth have been raised and educated by women. Men began leaving the home for 8-10 hours a day with the onset of the Industrial Revolution, leaving women to run the home and discipline the children alone. Women have dominated the school system for many generations now. Our culture has attacked masculinity as toxic for decades. As a result, even many men have been convinced that telling people the truth is wrong, that nothing is worth fighting for except unity for unity’s sake, and that all priorities must be subjugated to making life seem fair, even if it leads to the end of innovation, thriving, and wellness for all.

So why did Jesus come as a man, and not as a woman? Why does God identify as Father, Son, and Spirit rather than Mother, Daughter, and Spirit? Because the tasks which need to be accomplished by the ultimate leader are roles which are better suited to a man, given the way God created men and women. Men and women are both created in the image of God, with critical strengths for a good, excellent, and praiseworthy society. Men and women need each other. Without one or the other, society would collapse and life would cease to be worth living. But men have been appointed to lead, not by the flip of a coin, but by the design of a good and excellent God. Not sure about this? Keep watching what happens as feminism continues to erode male leadership in the years to come. You’ll see what I mean.

*Note: This article expresses the view of the author alone and does not represent the position of Women in Apologetics or of any other organizations with which the author may be associated.

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1 https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/3731564-young-women-broke-hard-for-democrats-in-the-midterms/; see also https://news.gallup.com/poll/506636/sex-marriage-support-holds-high.aspx; https://winteryknight.com/2012/10/29/why-do-about-70-of-single-divorced-unmarried-women-vote-democrat/; https://news.gallup.com/poll/245618/abortion-trends-gender.aspx