A Critical Skill for Life and Apologetics
One of the most common questions I’m asked by Christians is, “How do you have so many spiritual conversations with unbelievers?” As I’ve considered this, I’ve concluded there are several relevant factors.
First, I know the evidence for Christianity, and it is very strong. Knowing the evidence has galvanized my desire to engage with others on spiritual matters because I am able to give compelling reasons for the beliefs that I hold. Likewise, my use of evidence to explain my faith has also impacted people’s responses to me. Rather than writing off Christianity as ridiculous nonsense, or as something that is true for me but not for them (a ridiculous notion in itself), most people take the scientific, philosophical, and historical evidence seriously regardless of how they feel about it. This has made spiritual conversations far more enjoyable, and I tend to seek out and prioritize that which I genuinely enjoy.
Second, I trust that God is sovereign and fully in control. He can raise up sons of Abraham out of stones. He can intercept and transform the most ardent enemies of Christianity on the road to persecution. And He can appear to unreached people through dreams and visions, as He has done throughout the Muslim world and China during my lifetime. I cannot thwart His plans with my missteps, nor can I save souls with my convincing arguments. I can either revel in being part of the eternally-significant work of God that cannot fail, or I can sit on the sidelines and miss out on the opportunity to bring people good news of great joy for all nations, to the glory and praise of God. Either way, the burden to achieve certain results is not on me; it’s on Him. My responsibility is to get in the game, have fun, be real, and watch Him work, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
Third, I’ve accepted that I will not always know the answers to every question, and I’m okay with that. When presented with questions I haven’t thought about before, I can do some research and get back to people, or I can simply admit that their question is beyond my proficiency and point them to people with greater expertise. Either way, the beliefs I hold are built upon a very solid foundation of evidence and I have no reason to be ashamed.
Each one of these factors makes having spiritual conversations enjoyable, productive, gratifying, and burden-free. Knowing what we believe, why we believe it, and who is ultimately in charge is critical. Knowledge is indispensable. But it is not sufficient.
We must also employ wisdom, and though wisdom can sometimes seem elusive, there is one specific skill that is not only wise and attainable, but often life-changing.
This critical skill that has been integral to nearly every spiritual conversation I’ve had is asking thoughtful questions. This shouldn’t be surprising. When we want to get to know others, we don’t usually approach them by launching into our opinions or beliefs; we ask questions to try to get to know them. We ask about their interests, their concerns, and their desires. We hear what they have to say, ask follow-up questions, and look for points of commonality. The same ought to be true when it comes to spiritual conversations. When we are given a glimpse into someone’s beliefs, whether it comes by way of a saying on their t-shirt, a religious tattoo, or a conversation about their holidays, for example, we ought to be listening to understand their values, convictions, and worldview. But what next? Once we touch on a spiritual belief, where do we go from there?
Two of my favorite follow-up questions come from Greg Koukl of Stand to Reason and can be found in his outstanding book, Tactics: A Game Plan for Discussing Your Christian Convictions. The questions are, “What do you mean by that?” and “How did you arrive at that conclusion?”
There are numerous variations of these two questions. Until we have a strong grasp of what someone believes, we can continue to use variations of the first question to ask what is meant by certain terms or phrases. Once we understand a person’s beliefs, we can ask how they came to those conclusions.
Asking such questions is thoughtful, and there is no pressure to respond to their answers in any particular way, or even to prolong the conversation. Sometimes just asking people to articulate how they arrived at their convictions can be enough to get them thinking about important questions, and the Holy Spirit can use even the shortest discussions for God’s glory. More often, their answers will present us with opportunities to give them something more to think about, or it will lead them to ask us questions about our beliefs.
A great example comes from speaker, author, and artist, B. Tyler Ellis. Over the course of two years, Tyler sat down with 50 different people to ask a series of spiritual questions such as, “Hypothetically, if God and Heaven are real, on what basis do you believe God will or will not accept you into Heaven?” Although Tyler’s intentions were simply to listen and understand other people’s views, he was surprised when many of these one-way conversations turned into much more. Out of these questions came trust, questions about his own beliefs, meaningful relationships, numerous decisions for Christ,1 and even a life-saving call for help. You can hear more about his fruitful adventures, and how he answered some of the most challenging questions posed to him, in his 14-minute Tedx Talk called “Finding Meaning in Daily Acts of Good.”2
Whether we tell people up front that we’d like to ask them a series of spiritual questions in order to understand their beliefs, or we look for opportunities to give people something to think about in the course of our daily interactions, we are wise to ask questions, listen to the answers, and always be prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks us for a reason for the hope that is in us, with gentleness and respect.
These are the keys to why I, and people like Tyler, have had so many enjoyable, productive, spiritual conversations, and why I look forward to many, many more.
*Following his interviews, Tyler drew a portrait of each person using a single, continuous line.
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[1] Tyler shared with me that 50% of the people he originally interviewed wanted to meet again, and of that group, 50% became committed followers of Jesus, sometimes after two years of meeting together and reading apologetics books.
[2] This talk has been shared on Twitter by Christian apologists Lee Strobel, Mary Jo Sharp, Michael Licona, Mark Mittelberg, J. Warner Wallace, and MamaBear Apologetics. It is well worth the 14 minutes to watch.
