A few months ago I decided to buy a Steam account and learn to play a few video games. I also encouraged my husband, who used to love to play video games, to get his own account and play occasionally as well. No, Hell hasn’t frozen over (as far as I know). So why introduce into our busy and productive lives a hobby that every “mature” churchgoer knows to be “so childish” and “such a waste of time”? Let me tell you a true story, and then I’ll explain my decision.

As with almost all of my best friends growing up, my best friend when I was four years old was a boy. Harlow lived just a few houses down from me, and we loved to climb trees, ride bicycles, play tag, and hunt for rollie pollies in the dirt.

Although it wasn’t a common occurrence, I distinctly remember spending the night at Harlow’s house one night. As Harlow jumped into the top bunk and pointed me to my bed on the bottom bunk, I remember being exhausted and ready to go to sleep. We had had a long day, but Harlow insisted that before we fall sleep, we absolutely must come up with a plan for what to do in case monsters came for us during the night.

I tried to listen and be supportive as Harlow made an elaborate plan for how I would distract the monsters by calling them in one direction, and then he would attack them with his imaginary sword and save the day, rescuing us both from our demise. I remember thinking, “Boys are really paranoid.” But he was my friend, and if he needed a plan to defeat monsters in the night in order to sleep, I would gladly follow his lead.

In talking to a friend recently, I’ve realized that in some ways, four-year-old Laura may have been more compassionate to the needs of men than 44-year-old Laura can sometimes be. What do I mean? God created men to protect and provide through strength, courage, and valor. Men have testosterone that allows them to get much stronger than women, and they have an inherent desire to be a hero to the people they love. 

But where can a man cultivate his God-given drive to be a hero today? In our safety-obsessed, feelings-oriented, “masculinity-is-toxic” culture, where can a man live out his need to defeat his enemies and save the day? Yes, he can go to work and earn an income even when it’s exhausting, hard, and monotonous, and that is heroic in its own right. He can be faithful to his wife, or chaste if he is single, and that is admirable and praiseworthy. He can set aside his own insecurities and fears of rejection to engage in deep and meaningful conversations about matters of both temporary and eternal significance. That, too, is excellent and honorable.

But where can he slay the dragons? Where can he form a strategy to defeat monsters in the night and equip himself to defeat them when they arrive? Perhaps even more significantly, how can he rescue the woman he loves when we women have made it clear that we have everything we need all on our own? How dare a man try to rescue me, modern women may quip. I can take care of myself, thank you very much.

Did you know that women in America today are more likely to receive a college education than a man, more likely to outlive a man, and more likely to be chosen for a job for which she has equal qualifications as a man? Women are also provided more benefits by their employers, and most of us will have far more years to enjoy the fruits of our labor after we retire. On top of that, a man can hardly read the news, watch a movie, or even listen to a sermon without hearing that his masculinity is toxic. The culture tells him in a thousand different ways that he is not only dispensable, but he is unwanted; he is inherently dangerous and harmful if he acts like a man. In such a culture, how is a man ever to be the hero he was created to be? How is he to remind himself of what it means to be a hero, and to practice making the decision to rush into battle for the sake of saving others, so that when the time comes to lay down his life for others in real life, he doesn’t run from the challenge? 

One way a man can remember, practice, and prepare to be the hero he was designed to be is through clean, strategic video games. Yes, there are some answers to these problems that don’t involve video games, but that’s not the point. The point is that many video games are a means for men to cultivate their view of themselves as heroes and to practice using their minds to strategically prepare for and defeat the enemies they encounter. They are a means of putting on armor and entering into battle, of coming alongside other “good guys” to defeat the bad guys, and of experiencing the sensation of victory even as the world outside condemns competition, achievement, and triumph.

Of course there are games that do more harm than good, and games can be addictive. But food can be harmful and addictive too. Sex can be harmful and addictive. Work can be harmful and addictive. It is a man’s responsibility to make good decisions about which games to play and how often to play them. And it his responsibility to seek out accountability from wise people who can offer feedback when they see him neglecting the best aspects of his calling for the sake of mere shadows or imitations.

But what if time spent cultivating heroic behaviors on a screen translates into heroic behaviors in everyday life? What if time spent defeating imaginary dragons leads to a Christ-like willingness to fight against the very real, though unseen, spiritual forces of darkness that seek to destroy our souls? What if it helps develop a character in men that is willing to speak out against evil, and to lay down one’s life for others at work and at home? Even less ambitious, what if playing a game that my husband enjoys simply affirms that his hobbies have value even if they are not my hobbies? What if playing a game together results in laughter and shared experiences with the people we seek to build up? Are these not valuable ends in and of themselves?

Given a choice between playing video games and having a conversation, I’d much prefer to have a conversation. But if playing video games now and then offers opportunities to energize, applaud, and embolden my brothers in Christ to be men of valor and courage, count me in. If it provides shared experiences, builds trust, and values the God-given gift of simply having some fun in this difficult and demanding world, then count me in.

It seems to me that men today are expected to shut off their senses and ignore their instincts. They are expected to forsake all things masculine and act in ways contrary to their design. Video games are certainly not sufficient to reverse the damage of modern feminism, and they won’t solve all the challenges facing men in our culture today, but if they provide a taste of the heroism men were created to exhibit or offer a short respite from the world’s condemnation, then I say let the games begin.

As I’ve sought to encourage some of the men in my life in this small way, I’ve already found unexpected pleasure in cooperative games that allow me to come alongside them to defeat our common enemies. My hope is that as I cooperate with my brothers (and sisters) in Christ to defeat our common enemies on the screen, we will be reminded of our purpose to defeat our common enemies in real life: the lies of Satan, the soldiers in his army, and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God.